Hurtful

I've read two chit lit books in the last two days. They were mostly light-hearted and fun. One was set in the Twin Cities which was fun, as I knew some of the places they talked about and the other was in Paris as was fun as they talked of many places I'd like to go.

Between these books, conversations that I've had in the past couple of weeks and a few articles I've read recently, I've been struggling with my singleness.

The more I think about it the more I can remember about many conversations I've had with family and friends who love me and are concerned for me and want me to be happy. They know that I want to be married, and often offer ways to make that happen. That just frustrates me and closes me off.

I've found myself at a point where I am willing to admit (slightly) that I've been in a funk for a few years now. (Many might call this depression, I prefer funk, thank you very much.) End of that.

As a result of this I basically just didnt' give a shit. I didn't really care what I looked like, what I wore, if it matched, if I wore make-up, etc. I work at a hospital (not as a care giver) and tried to get them to let me wear scrubs, to no avail. Oh, the glory of basically wearing my PJ's to work.

Anyway, based on my personal reflections I'm wondering why. Have I purposely made it difficult for someone to approach me, let alone love me? This is not a pity party by any means, just some reflection. I know that many things I say (about hating MN for example) would not encourage a man that lives here to pursue me.

There are many things floating through my mind and heart right now. Have I shut all doors and windows and am only looking through a peek-hole?

Anyway, I'm writing at work (from where I do most of my blogging) and there are many interruptions today. So I will part. I've added a link to one of the recent articles that I found quite hurtful and would like to hear your thoughts.

Again, not a pity party, just some self-realization, self-diclosure, and deep thoughts. Where's Jack Handy when you need him?

"Today's singleness is not celibacy-induced kingdom work unaccommodating to family life. No, it's the result of choices and mistakes by both the individual and society. Today's singleness is either a lifestyle option or purely circumstantial; therefore, it is largely unbiblical."

Colorful regional words

It's like pop vs. soda vs. coke. You need to be aware that the words you use are not the same wherever you are, even in you own nation. I currently live in what I've 'lovingly' termed, the Frozen Tundra of Minnesota. However, I grew up in the great plains of southwest Kansas. I grew up calling it a pop or a coke. "You wanna go get a coke?" didn't mean that we were only going Coca-Cola.

Anyway, at work we use lots of rubber bands, only everyone here calls them rubber binder. To me a binder is a three-ring notebook.

Also, I just found out in Wisconsin they call a water fountain a 'bubbler.'

What differences have you noticed?

Konichiwa

That's right. Time to brush up on my Japanese. I'm so excited and giddy and nervous and scared all at once. At this point, I am set up for an interview in Feb. I recieved an email today saying that I should receive a letter within the next week with all the details. I'm looking forward to it. The interview will be in Denver Feb 22 &/or 23. When I know more I'll get my ticket and hope to see all my dear friends and loved ones while I'm there. YIKES! FUN! HOORAY!

And I even know where my Japanese dictionary is right now. The tape, now that's another thing all together. hmmm, maybe I should hit the library.

yeehaw!

Hee-larious!

You have got to go here for a good laugh. Look up your favorite song, but go to the bathroom first so that you don't wet your pants laughing.

Taking back care of God's people

The Pope released his first encyclical today on God's love and the charity of the Church. While not Catholic, myself, it doesn't matter. I happened upon this piece of news and am thrilled. How often do I avoid charity? How often do I truly not love my neighbor enough to help, if love him or her at all. Shame on me. A thanks to the Pope for reminding me that this is the way that God has called me, as a believer in Christ as my Lord, to live. Time to take back the care of God's people by God's people.

Kiss that goodbye

I'm heartbroken. Really.

I just checked my voicemail and had a message from the Kissmobile people. I didn't get the job. How could I not get the job?! I was born for this job, really, I was! Ask people who know me well (which I realize is most of you who are reading this already). I'm bummed. I was just sure I had it. I mean, even when I knew that the east tour started the end of this month and I hadn't heard. Even when I knew that they had not called me for a second interview. Even though I was over qualified. I WAS SURE IT WAS MINE!

Good grief. If I am not the postergirl for the Kissmobile, I just don't know who is really.

I'd like to stage a boycott, but hey! we're talking chocolate here.

heavy sigh

again

again

My life goes on, I thought it was coming, but there was hope. I am really glad that they called me back though to tell me. That was good. I am sure that God has something great instore for me, I just thought this would be such a fun and unique way to serve Him, ya know. You go God! Thanks for the way awesome opportunity to interview and dream about driving the Kissmobile. It was fun. Thanks! Now help me to open to your plan.

apartment

I talked with my complex this afternoon and I should give 60 days, but can indeed go month-to-month with my lease, allowing me the flexibility I need when looking for a job outside of the Twin Cities area. The best part is that it doesn't cost any more $$. Cha-ching!

I cannot believe how indcredibly bored I am at work. I might explode!

This week's vocab lesson

Bezoar. Be careful, you really don't want to know what this means. I learned it from my nursing friend, Heidi. It's sick, but it must be shared. Really, it is a human hairball. One of the docs knows someone who had on efrom eating socks, really, I can't make this crap up. Speaking of crap, that's how it came out. He pooped a sock.

Actually, it can be dangerous. You can create a blockage so large it can be seen on an x-ray. I mean, it can be like 3-5 inches in diameter and it has to be surgically removed! Can you even imagine.

So for all you hair eaters and sock-chewers out there -- STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!

Give it away!

Alrighty then, finished off Keoko last night and started Madame Bovary. I'm also having a grand time doing more Bible Study. Started with 1John last night. I'm so excited about 1:4. It's like we can't go on without telling others about Jesus. Our lives are not complete without sharing the joy. It reminds me of that little kid song, "Magic Penny."

Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away, you just end up having more.

It's in the giving that we have more.

My weekend

Nothing super exciting. Had friends over for an awesome chicken curry soup (for which I will post the recipe tomorrow since I left it at home today) and games (nothing like a little '90's trivia). Sat was a beautiful day of sleeping late and then out to walk around Lake of the Isles (3 miles, still sore today, I guess that means I should get more exercise?) and enjoy the bit o' sunshine while it lasted. Sat night had supper with some friends and parents then played a vicious game of Monopoly. There will be a rematch and I will PREVAIL! I cannot accept being beaten, I'll admit, I'm slightly competitive.

Sunday arrived early as I left for church around 7:30ish to practice for FAMJAM, which I really do love doing, but it's so freakin' early!

FAMJAM is a newish children's ministry we have at our church where it's a family-style worship with songs, actions, skits and I am on eo fthe worship leaders tying it all together with Scripture, lesson and "bottom line." I get to be on stage under the lights and what can I say, I love being allowed to shine like the star that I am.

Anyway, went home after lunch and did boring house stuff.

finished 2 books (Authentic Beauty give to me by TX Laura and another book that I can't remember the name of but was a collection of excerpts from slave narratives) this weekend and read over half of a new one. It's When My Name Was Keoko by Linda Sue Park. I'm really enjoying this one. It's about a Korean family during the Japanese occupation.

Then topped off the night with a hot salt bath, wine & cheese and my book. This is the life.

New Year's Day 2006

From the bowling festivities of New Year's Day. This is Chris's familiy tradition and we had a great time. This is Church Marty (not to be confused with Fair Marty) and Jeff. Chris is big on headgear, thus the festive photos.

Happy New Year pictures

Thought it was time for some photos . . .

These are from our last minute New Year's Eve celebration at my place. Nothing says Happy New Year's like sparklers on a freezing cold night up north. Cheers!

My word for 2006

I've discovered a new word and would like to share it with you all.

woopknacker

I learned this glorious word while playing Balderdash Firdya night at my palce with a bunch of friends. While this wasn't one of our words, I was waiting for people to finish writing and started to read the unused answers on the cards that we had already played. All of a sudden I shouted out, "I'm a woopknacker!" Needless to say, laughter was spread and upon it's dying down, I shared the meaning of said word and not one dissent was heard.

woopknacker - n. an agressive, loud-mouthed person

woopknacker. Use it in your life (without referring to me).

Another one that is always good is pulchritudinous. LOVE IT! Particularly when paired with 'pizza.'

Kissy, Kissy

Well, I called on Wednesday and what I understood was that they were hoping to make offers on Fri or Mon. It's about 3:45 pm on Fri and I have yet to hear anything. I'm a bit anxious. yikes!

Be still my heart!

more books

These are taken from an article in Books & Culture.

The Bones of the Earth by Howard Mansfield
What links the pieces in this collection is a preoccupation wtih how Americans remember or forget their history. He writes with wit and passion; he has an eye for the lumnious details, and wears his learning lightly.

The Divine Voice: Christian Proclamation and the Theology of Sound by Stephen H Webb.
This sounds great! If you read very far in this exploration of "theo-acoustics," you'll begin to see--and hear, and think about--all sorts of things you hadn't previously noticed...

The Finishing School by Muriel Spark
This is a novella. This marvelously deft and enigmatic tale centers on a very precocious young novelist--still a teenager--and his jealous teacher.

Florence of Arabia by Christopher Buckley
Set largely in a fictitious Middle Eastern kingdom ... Wonderfully entertaining, yes, but the story comes with a wicked punch that leaves the reader unsettled.

Ira Foxglove by Thomas McMahon
It's the story of a winsomely eccentric inventor and a love story, too; and it features a trans-Atlantic flight by blimp.

Sunday's fun

I am prone to lock my keys in my car. That's why I liked living in Sterling (among other reasons). When you live in a small town, you don't lock your car and infact will often leave the keys in the ignition. Well, I did anyway. I have roadside assitance on through my cell phone just for such a reason, well and incase my car doesn't start in this frozen tundra. I have used it often. This is Church Marty trying to get in even when he had no idea what he was doing (you know I love you, Marty!).

By the way, I did get the RA to come and let me into my car and there were my keys! Right on the front seat in my purse, where I left them. ARGH!

This photo is from my phone and I'm not sure how to make it normal. bummer.

Kissmobile news

I called them today on my lunch break and they had no news. They are still interviewing and hope to make calls on Fri or Mon. Sooooo, hurry up and wait!

books

I've decided to add my ever-growing list of books that I desire to read. Some I know a bit about, some I know very little about but think they'd be interesteing for whatever reason. They are in no particular order whatsoever and are currently written on 2 pieces of scratch paper I carry in my planner. So that there is another record of them (thanks for the idea, good Friar), here they are for your perusal. Let me know if you've read any of them. Love to hear about them.

This first one came from a random blog I found by a guy teaching English in Japan with NOVA (not the org that I'm applying with though).

from Ryan in Osaka:
Tuesday night I officially finished The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson. It takes me ages to read a book and finishing one this quickly was a great milestone to complete. I think it's because I have no TV or internet at home and really have nothing else to do. This was a great book. It recounted Bill Bryson's giant road trip around the United States in the 1980s, gives tons of information about small-town America and I really recommend it (or any of his books). I hadn't planned on reading this one, rather just mailing it to a friend of a friend (long story) but happened to read the first paragraph and was hooked. It goes like so:

"I COME FROM Des Moines. Somebody had to. When you come from Des Moines you either accept the fact without question and settle down with a local girl named Bobbi and get a job at the Firestone factory and live there forever adn ever, or you spend your adolescence moaning at length about what a dump it is and how you can't wait to get out, and then you settle down with a local girl named Bobbi and get a job at the Firestone factory and live there forever and ever."

I happen to agree with Ryan. Any book that starts that way surely is good. And most of you know how much I love small town America. yea! This sounds like a keeper!

Again, remember that this is a master list and I have no idea why some of these are on the list anymore . . .

Listening for Lions by Gloria Whelen

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See (fiction)

Everyday Evangelism: Linking People to Jesus by Sam Huizenga (small group ministry)

Everything Bad is Good for You by Steven Johnson

Take Big Bites by Linda Ellerbee

The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson

If I Perish by Esther Ahn Kim

Isle of Passion by Laura Restrepo

Quilts of Gee's Bend

A Beginner's Guide to Crossing Cultures by Patty Lane

The Church is in a Stew by Jerry Appleby

The Penderwicks by Jeanne Birdsall (young adult fiction?)

The Zig Zag Way by Anita Desai (I think this is about leadership?)

Jesus in Beijing by David Aikman

Black Hawk Down by Mark Bowden

The Notebook

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (I wanted to read this prior to the movie coming out by the way)

If Singleness is a Gift, What's the Return Policy

Mealtime Habits of the Messiah by Conrad Gempf

Blood Fuges by Edwardo Vega Yungus (not sure if this name is correct, can't really read my writing)

Tales from the Bed by Jenifer Estess as told to Valerie Estess

Season's Gleamings - The Art of Alumninum Christmas Trees by Simon & Lindemann (I saw this a year ago and should have bought it then for my friend Chris, still bummed that I didn't.)

Federico and the Magi's Gift by Beatriz Vidal (children's Christmas gift)

La Nochebuena South of the Border by James Rice

Move Over, Santa, Ruby's Doin' Christmas by Ruby Ann Boxcar

Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels

Empire Rising by Thomas Kelly

Armando's Treasure by Melody Carlson (youth fiction)

The Lemony Snickett series (youth fiction, recommended by Andrea Lowry)

Evangelism Explosion by D James Kennedy

Mosquito Coast by Paul Thouriux (again surely this isn't spelled correctly)

The Poured Fire on Us from the Sky

The Dark Hills Divide by Patrick Carmen

There is no place like home

Well, you know that whenever I go home, I have to go check out Dorothy's House at the Land of Oz. I actually applied to be the Dir. there while I was home. Not sure about that one. Also applied to be the Dir. out at the Activity Center. I think I'd like that job better, but still not super sure that I want to move back to L-town. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. (Who 'we' is I have no idea.) Anyway, it was a grand time and I love this pic of Rubes! Everytime I journey home, I remember that there really is 'no place like home.' Whether that's home at my folks (who had just moved into a new house 4 days prior to my arrival), home in L-town, home in Sterling, Kansas or just wherever I am with those I care about. There is nothing quite like a sense of home. I pray that you all have someplace that you can happily call home. Remember that even more importantly is the heavenly home where you can reside for all eternity by knowing Jesus. It's an amazing thought to know that no matter how much I love and desire to be home here on earth, home with Jesus is so much more so. Wow, simply wow.

Christmas foto fun with the fam

This is Christmas morning at my folks new house. The first is my Uncle Bill, aka UB. He's rarely without a KU something on. The next is me and Gran on Christmas Eve enjoying a little bubbly. The final is my cuz Steve-a-reeno. The t-shirt is from his sis. Too fun! BTW, for those that know Stevie, I mean Steve, he's a sophomore in COLLEGE at KU. Man I am old.

Tea crazy

I've gone a bit crazy online lately, fortunately, my credit card was not involved. Yea for that small miracle of self-control (although the day is not over)!

Anyway, I'm adding a few more tea sites on the sidebar and they are fun! I'm also including my fav tea from that place (if I can narrow it down to just one).

A coworker and I are planning a few tea excursions coming up and then I have a new friend coming over for soup and tea tomorrow, yea!

I'm off to make myself another (3rd) cup of tea to help me get through another afternoon of Frozen Tundra doldrums and no sunshine.

What a simple pleasure tea brings to me!

other blog

As I am trying to reach out and find other blogs of interest I have come across many that are not. However, here's one that seems worth reading for a bit. Haven't read much, but enough to keep reading and share. I think that a few of you might be interested.

http://theologica.blogspot.com/

News from my world

• haven't heard anything about my thesis for a month, have tried to contact committee to no avail (thus far anyway)
• had a great phone interview for the Hershey's Kissmobile and hope to hear from them within the next week, the east tour starts the end of this month
• received much tea for Christmas and am enjoying it a great deal
• had a great Christmas at home with the fam without any blow-ups!
• enjoying not writing the thesis and reading for fun like a mad woman, mostly mags and fiction, but loving it!
• didn't get the Chamber job, but the more I learn the better that sounds
• applied for 2 more jobs in L-town whilst I was home, one that I really want and even looked at houses while I was there, just in case

Thinking

I've not posted in awhile. Trying to determine why I post, why do I blog? Am I bored (yes) am I working through things or seeking advice or anything productive?

Am I surfacy or really revealing who I am here?

I find myself often living on a surface level and am hoping to change that as I journey through this year. We'll see how that goes.

Randomness from my mind.